How Long Can You Keep Running?
by accenderemyfuego
Summary: Lost and confused, Clarke Griffin left D.C. to go find herself. 5 years later she finds herself ready to return to the states, so she buys herself a one-way ticket to L.A. Little did she know, she wasn't the only one who had to get away from D.C.. or The one where Lexa is a firefighter and Clarke is done traveling the world
1. Prologue I'm Sorry

**To my favorite person in the galaxy,**

 **I guess I'm gonna start this off by apologizing. I really tried to stick around; I really did. I tried to make it work, but if I am to be completely honest, home was no longer feeling like home. I was suffocating and I had to take off before the claustrophobia kicked in. Before you or anyone else starts blaming yourselves, there was nothing you guys could have done. I made my decision, and you know better than anyone else that once my decision has been made, there is no talking me out of it.**

 **Don't ask me where I'm going because even I don't know the answer to that. The only thing I know is that I have to get away from that house. I have to get away from the expectations of my family. I have to get away from the expectations of my mother. I spent the last four years of school getting ready for something I never really even wanted. Now she wants me to spend the next several years putting myself through hell again. It's not me and it never will be. I hope she will understand now.**

 **It was different when my dad was around. He at least supported me and stood up for me when it was needed. Now that he's gone I just feel so lost. It has been the worst couple years of my life and you were there for it all. Through the drunken nights and the wallowing mornings. You were there for me and I never even had to say a word. You just knew when I needed someone. When I needed you.**

 **Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm holding you back. You have a life and a girlfriend and a family as well. You don't need me holding you back. Sometimes you look at me and you don't think I notice but I see the worry in your eyes. The fear that I'm gonna do something stupid. So, I'm putting a stop to that. If I'm out of sight then I will be out of mind. Right?**

 **By the time you receive this letter I will have already left. On a flight out of this depressive state. Hopefully all I need is some air and I'll be right back here on the road to a better life. Who knows? I'm sorry we couldn't have a proper goodbye; I just know that if I had told you, you guys would have tried to talk me out of it. And that would have hurt even more.**

 **So this is my goodbye. Tell everyone that I love them and will miss them dearly. But most of all, I will miss you. May we meet again.**

 **Love your best friend,**

 **Clarke Griffin**


	2. Touchdown in LA

Clarke Griffin stepped out of the Los Angeles International Airport and took in a deep breath. This place was going to be her first official home in over five years. All she had on her was a carry-on suitcase and a backpack. For five years that was all she ever had. That's all she every really needed.

She jumped in the first cab that was available, "West Hollywood, please." She handed the driver an address and with a courteous nod, the cab driver smiled and took off towards her new apartment. Everything in Los Angeles was unfamiliar but that was something she was all too familiar with. In the past half a decade she never spent more than a month in each of the cities that she had traveled to. But then again it was never about finding a home; it was about finding herself. She stared out the window and watched as some plane took off in the sky towards its destination.

 _"Hello miss, is there anything I can help you with today?"_

 _Clarke pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow eyeing the list of departing flights behind the attendant carefully. She looked at the alarmingly long list and quickly made her decision, "Hi yeah, can you show me where Iceland Air is?"_

 _He smiled back warmly and pointed down to the left of him, "Sure thing. It's about halfway down that way. If you pass the escalators then you have gone too far. There's another desk down there to the left if you still haven't found it." He looked back at Clarke and continued, "It that all for you miss?"_

 _She nodded curtly and replied with a small smile of her own, "That's all. Thank you so much." And with that she took off towards the way that he had just directed her. She walked about halfway down towards Iceland Air when a big blue sign caught her eye. With big white letters that said, 'Why not Venice?' and she took that as a sign of her own. Iceland could wait for another day because she was going to start her sabbatical in Venice, Italy. It had been one of her father's favorite places in the world and even if he was no longer around, she hoped that Venice would help her feel closer to him. The warm tears started to blur her vision, but she quickly blinked them away pushing aside the memories that washed up to the shore._

 _Ignoring her thoughts, she got in the long queue and anxiously waited her turn. Needing the time to pass by quicker she pulled out her phone to play a game or something of the sort. She immediately regretted her decision when she unlocked her phone and was faced with her background photo, a picture of her and her best friend Lexa. They were smiling brightly and Clarke's lips were on the brunette's cheek._

 _She remembered back to the night that photo was taken. It was freshman year and they were immensely drunk, celebrating the fact that the finals were finally over. They were overjoyed by the fact that summer was there and that they didn't have to think about schoolwork for at least another 3 months. As drunk as they got she could never forget that night. She never really forgot any nights she shared with her friend of 20 years._

 _She smiled getting lost in the memory but quickly shook her thoughts free and unlocked her phone. Her fingers worked the screen and rapidly she changed the background photo to the phone's default photo, the memory being too painful to bear in that specific moment._

 _The line was moving at an obnoxiously slow rate but soon she was up by the counter where there was a young blonde with an obviously over exaggerated smile on her face. Clarke could only imagine what it'd be like helping jetlagged and tired people all day. "Hello miss, welcome to KLM. How can I be of service to you today?"_

 _She plastered on a smile of her own as she answered politely, "Hi. I'm looking for the next ticket available to Venice. Can you help me with that?"_

 _She tapped away at the keyboard placed in front of her with nothing more than a nod. It was a couple minutes before she had her answer, "You're in luck. There's an opening on a flight leaving in about 4 hours. Is that something you'd be interested in?"_

 _Clarke didn't let herself think about it too long and nodded quickly, "Yes, that's perfect. Thanks!" Clarke pulled out her credit card and passport, giving it to the attendant who was currently still tapping away, her attention concentrated on the screen in front of her._

 _The blonde quickly charged her card and gave Clarke her ticket along with the rest of her stuff back, "Just head back that way over there and security will let you pass to the second level. Have a safe flight and have fun in Venice. Thank you for choosing KLM!"_

 _With a quick thanks Clarke followed her instructions and headed towards security. She took a deep breath as she handed the security officer her ticket. This was it. She had her ticket and she was on her way to a whole new world. No more family to nag her. No more friends to help her. The worst of it all was no more Lexa. She was going to miss her best friend dearly, but this trip wasn't about Lexa. It wasn't about Octavia or Bellamy or even her mother. The trip was about finding something she either lost or even something she never had. It was about Clarke Griffin and only Clarke Griffin. Maybe everyone unknowingly pushed her to the decision, but in the end it was all about her._

"Miss?" The cab driver called out. "Miss? We are here." It took a few calls to finally grab the blonde's attention. She looked out the window as saw that they had arrived to a two-story complex behind the main street. Clarke pulled out her wallet and handed the cabbie the fare, plus a little bit extra.

"Thank you so much for the ride! Have a safe day!" She called out behind her as she grabbed her belongings and stepped out onto the concrete. She stared up at the building in front of her wondering if she had made a mistake.

She had found a listing on craigslist a couple weeks prior. A man about Clarke's age had been looking for a roommate as his last one had recently moved out. He advertised a master bedroom, for a decent price, in a low crime neighborhood. She really couldn't say no. She was just hoping he didn't turn out to be a serial killer or some kind of psycho.

Clarke studied the quadplex briefly before she had made her way up the stairs to apartment D. It wasn't the most fancy place, but it sure wasn't condemned so she really didn't mind it much. During her travels she surely had stayed at worse places. Some of the earlier nights she even spent on the streets or a random bench. This was definitely a step up from those days.

She stepped up to the door and knocked on it a few times, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet nervously. It wasn't too long before the door flew open and there was a tall, dark, and handsome man standing there. He smiled brightly and put out his hand for Clarke to shake, "You must be Clarke! I'm Nathan Miller, but you can call me Miller!"

Clarke accepted his hand and shook it firmly, "Yeah, I'm Clarke. It's nice to meet you." When he released her hand, he took a step back and gestured her to walk in. She stepped beside him and took a look at the inside of the apartment. It was much cleaner and brighter compared to the outside. There was a nice and compact dining table to the left and straight ahead was a white leather couch placed in front of a large flat screen TV that was hung on the wall. As she stepped further towards the living room she found matching love seat sitting by a coffee table.

"Have a seat!" She heard him call from behind, "Did you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks." Well if he was a serial killer, he was definitely an upbeat and courteous one.

The handsome stranger lead her to the couch and the both sat down in front of what seemed to be a contract laying on the coffee table. "So, like I said, I'm Miller. I'm a manager at a local bar. I'm extremely gay, so if you aren't into that then you should just walk out right now. But I do have a special someone so you don't have to worry about me bringing any drunken randos home. I work mostly nights so you'll find it usually quiet here at night. Occasionally, I'll have a party here and there but nothing too fratty. I'll definitely give you a heads up beforehand though."

A slight chuckle escaped his throat as he finished off with a joke, "I also love long walks on the beach and I'm a fantastic cook."

Clarke laughed and shot him a smile as well, "Well I'm Clarke. I've been traveling the world for the past five years. Originally I'm from D.C. but I left for personal reasons. During my travels I ran a travel blog called GrifScape; maybe you've heard of it."

He shook his head politely, "Sorry, can't say I have. You know, I've never been but my boss is from D.C." He paused for a second before questioning, "Can I ask why L.A. though? Why not head home to D.C.?"

Playing with her hair out of habit, she thought about her answer for a quick moment before answering. "Been there, done that, I guess. Needed a fresh start. Plus, I have about five years worth of photos and art lying around so instead of putting it to waste, I want to put it to use. I rented a space nearby and I'm trying to open a gallery. I know first hand how hard it is for a struggling artist so I'm also looking into local amateurs and whoever wants to get their art out there. I remember how much of a struggle it was for my art back when I was going to school, so I wanna give others a running start."

He could see the excitement in her eyes as she spoke about her passion, "That's great Clarke! It's really admirable that you're doing what you love. I'd love to check out some of your work sometimes if you don't mind my meddling. Do you have a name picked out for the place yet?"

The girl nodded and smiled, "Escaping Reality. And yeah, I'll have a personal hand written invitation for you on opening day."

"Perfect! I can't wait," Miller exclaimed as he picked up the stack of papers on the table. He scanned the papers quickly before continuing, "We already agreed on a rent. It's due no later than the 4th of every month. I'm pretty flexible though, so just give me a heads up. The entire house is communal besides the obvious being my bedroom. If you want to invite anyone over, that's fine as well. I really don't mind, just please clean after yourself."

Clarke interrupted, "You don't need to worry about a thing. I have no friends or family here so you're safe."

He frowned sympathetically, "I'm sorry. That must suck. I know what it's like not knowing anyone. Military kid."

Clarke nodded understandingly.

"But I'll introduce you to my boyfriend, Monty. He's a paramedic, so maybe he can introduce you to a firefighter or something." He offered suggestively with an adorable wink.

"Not really looking for anyone special right now, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to. Traveling for half a decade doesn't help you keep steady friendships."

With a small smile, he pulled out a pen and offered it to her along with the stack of papers, "Give it a quick skim and sign it when you're ready. The room comes with a queen bed, but that's about it."

Clarke read through the contract, listening to him as he continued to speak. "If you want other furniture, there's an Ikea nearby and we can use my truck to haul it back here. I'm free the day after tomorrow if you need me."

She signed and dated the papers before they exchanged first month's rent for a set of house keys, "Thanks Miller! I'll keep that in mind, but for today I think I just wanna go lie down. Jetlag is kicking me in the ass. Remind me to never take another 14-hour flight again."

He grinned, "Sure thing. Go ahead. Your room is the last door on the left. If you need anything just text me."

She walked down the hallway dragging her stuff behind her when he offered, "Also if you're hungry, my bar has a great burger and some of the best tap in town! "

She looked back at him and smiled, "Thanks! I'll think about it."

"I'll leave the address on the fridge. I'll be working tonight so I'll offer you the roommate and newbie discount. Completely free when the owner isn't watching." Clarke laughed along with him and was thanking the gods for offering her a sane roommate.

She closed her room door behind her and plopped on the bed not really surveying the room beyond the bed. She could check everything out after a nice nap. Closing her eyes, she fell asleep easier than she had in years. Life on the road was exhausting and she was finally getting her much needed rest. She still had a lot to figure out, but she was definitely on the road to normalcy for the first time in years.


	3. Hallucinations

"WOODS!" Raven shrieked trying to get her teammate's attention. She had been yelling the other girl's name for several moments but to no avail. "LEXA MOTHERFUCKING WOODS! ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW?!"

"Keep it down, Raven. The captain is going berate you once again if you don't keep your volume to a minimum. He's trying to rest." Lexa finally replied, as she was jarred back into reality.

"Well, maybe if you'd answered me the first time, Commander. Hell, if you had answered the second or third time, that would have been nice as well." The shorter girl retorted.

"Sorry. I guess I've kind of been in and out of it today." Lexa explained as she sat up from her horizontal position, her elbows now leaning on her knees for support.

"What's up now, Lexinator?" Raven sighed as she plopped down right beside the distracted brunette.

"Ugh, it's nothing." Lexa tried to explain with a deep sigh, "I was dropping Anya off at the airport this morning." She shook her head looking down in between her knees before she continued, "And I swear I saw her again…"

Raven jumped off from the couch exclaiming, "This shit again?" She shook her head wildly, "You swore you saw her in Rio that one year and then Amsterdam the next. Then you saw her on your next vacation in Spain the following year and then again during Oktoberfest last year! Now she's following you around home?!"

Raven sighed exasperatedly and put both her hands on Lexa's shoulder shaking her hard, trying to talk some sense into her, "Lexa, my main man. My partner in crime. My platonic soul mate. The mother of my future child with your perfect ass genes. Have you looked in a goddamn mirror lately? You can get any girl you want. You can get any guy you want. Hell, I've seen dogs jump on you faster than a fat kid on cake. But for some damn reason you can't get over this girl? She left you years ago, and you been hallucinating her return to your life since."

Lexa shook her head, tired of repeatedly explaining herself over and over again, "Rave, it's not like that. She was my best friend. We were absolutely nothing more than that. It's just she left without a damn word." Irritated with the conversation, Lexa threw her hands in the air as she jumped to her feet. "Not a fucking damn word. I thought that if I could count on anyone, it would have been her!"

She was pacing back and forth by this point, "And I can't stand that I keep seeing her everywhere. She left me and then I had the worst fucking year of my life. She fucking left us and then I was thrown into a fucking ditch."

Raven noticing the tears in her friend's eyes, wrapped both her hands around the other girl, enveloping her in a tight bear hug, "I don't know Lex. I barely get this passionate about my exes much less an old friend. You sure that was it?"

Lexa shook her head again and reiterated, "Yeah. Just. Friends."

"Whatever you say." Raven spoke again rubbing a hand in soothing circles on her friend's back. "So, you saw her again today?"

Lexa was finally feeling calm again and was thankful for having Raven in her life, no matter how exuberant the other girl was, "Yeah. I swear it was Clarke too. She was getting into a back of a cab, but before I could assure that it was her, the cab took off." She sighed for the umpteenth time in minutes, "It was her, but like older. She was just like I remembered her. She was…"

Before she could continue her thoughts, a loud ring interrupted her. Both women jumped to their feet as a taller man ran into the room. "Reyes! Woods! Girl talk is over! Accident down by La Cienaga! Let's get going!"

Lexa patted Raven on the back as both girls rushed out the room, "I'm probably crazy anyways. I'm just too tired and too stressed. How about we do drinks on Friday?"

As the three of them jumped onto the fire engine Raven joked, "Or you can just get laid?"

Lexa rolled her eyes and Raven jumped into the driver's seat before seriously replying, "But yeah. We could all use a drink." Raven let out a loud whoop as she drove off, leaving the firehouse behind.

It was a few hours later in the day when Lincoln and Lexa found themselves in the weight room training to waste time. Lincoln was spotting Lexa when he admitted, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop earlier, but I was walking into the room when you guys were talking."

With a grunt and Lexa pushed the heavy weights up trying her best not to lock her elbows in place, "It's fine Lincoln. You're like a brother to me. And everything I don't tell you, you'll most likely find out from your girlfriend anyways."

Lincoln chuckled with a defeated shrug, holding his hands underneath the bar in case she needed his help, "Although that is true, you know the one thing Octavia doesn't talk about is Clarke. And when she does its usually led by alcohol and followed by tears and screaming. I sometimes feel like she needed the closure more than you did." She did another two reps before he questioned full of concern, "Are you okay though?"

Lexa was silent finishing up her final reps of the set before she sat straight up. She wiped her forehead with the damp towel that draped her shoulders, "Yeah, I'm fine, honestly I am. It's just…" She shook her head again and made her way over to the punching bag. Lincoln followed in suit as he helped her put her gloves on and he stood behind the bag to hold it in its place, "It's just she left, you know? Like she physically left me, but I see her randomly and it's like she didn't really leave. Like she's still here but I have no access to her. Kind of like a ghost. It's her ghost following me and taunting me when I start to finally let it go. Man, I can't even enjoy a vacation without seeing her!" She gave the bag a few jabs and continued, "I'm over it. She had to do her thing and leave. I get it. She didn't want to come back. I get it. It just feels like I wasn't important enough to say goodbye to."

The deeper the conversation got, the harder she punched, "It wasn't that bad when she left though. It hurt yes, but it was something I knew I could handle in time. But then I got the news about my parents and then everything started spiraling out of control with Costia. She was nowhere to be found when I needed her the most."

Her punches were getting softer now as she looked her partner in the eyes, "I mean don't get me wrong. I love Octavia. She really is one of the best friends I have and I am blessed to have her and I am blessed that she stuck around even though I wasn't the kind of company she needed in her life. I wasn't the kind of company anyone needed in their lives."

Lincoln gave her a soft smile, "But there was only one person who really knew what I needed and she was no longer there." By this time Lexa had completely stopped and was just standing there freeing her thoughts to the larger man, "Then I moved here and started again. I finally got a fresh start. I got a job and I could finally afford my first vacation. Octavia was the one who chose to go to Rio de Janeiro. Fucking Carnival was all she could rave about for months! I was completely wasted when I looked across the alley and I swore I saw her. Her blonde hair. Her eyes as blue as the sky. Her smile as bright as the moon above us. I swear in that moment I could even hear her laugh. I was so in shock that I couldn't even cross the way to find out if it was Clarke. I was finally getting beyond everything and that one moment reset my entire progress."

Lexa chuckled dryly and shook her head, "Well at least it got me here." They both sat down on the bench and she took a swig of water finally starting to feel the dehydration set in. "I came back home and started spiraling out of control again. I almost burned down the apartment but then you showed up."

Lexa smiled at Lincoln before continuing, "I never thanked you for that, did I? You saved my apartment and then my life."

He smiled at her brightly chuckling softly, "I just told you to lose the candles and get your belongings together."

"Technically Linc, you told me to lose the candles and get my shit together. One word makes a whole lot of a difference, Lincoln."

He laughed whole-heartedly this time, "I guess. I mean, if it worked then it worked. Who cares what I really meant. You got your shit together and now you're out there everyday saving lives. Fuck Clarke. Fuck everything else. It's you that is important. Take care of yourself Lexa. Don't let anything or anyone else get to you. You got this. And you got the rest of our help if you need it. You got Raven's love and Octavia's and if you're lucky you even have my love." Lincoln joked, trying to lighten the mood.

He pulled her into a tight hug when he spotted a smaller Asian man leaning against the door with a smirk plastered on his face, "I swear I'm the gay one and Lincoln over here is the softest teddy bear I've ever seen. Have I ever told you that you'd make a beautiful gay man?"

Lincoln picked up his water bottle and chucked it at the paramedic, "Shut up Monty. What are you doing listening in anyways?"

Monty laughed as he caught the bottle before it could hit him, "I just came in to see if you guys wanted to take a break and have some dinner?"

"Depends on who is behind the stove tonight." Lexa asked as she took off her gloves and wiped herself dry.

Monty cringed while he remorsefully replied, "Chef Raven."

The two friends got up and looked at each other before simultaneously suggesting, "Postmates?"

Monty laughed and threw the water bottle back at Lincoln, "Delivery it is. What do you guys want?"

The trio spent the next few minutes arguing over which cuisine they wanted before they had unanimously settled on Italian.

Lexa, Lincoln, Monty, Monroe, and Raven sat around the T.V. as they usually did during dinner in the firehouse when Raven insulted, "Y'all are asshats. Why won't you eat my food? I made enough for the entire firehouse! Y'all should be blessed to eat my cooking!"

Monty chuckled, "Sorry Raven but I have seen better cooks on America's Worst Cooks. You're exceptionally lucky that you didn't ignite that piece of chicken tonight."

"Although, it does appear to be a bit charred," Monroe added eyeing the piece of burned meat wearily. "We're also lucky that you only cook in the firehouse. There's immediate and unlimited access to firefighters and water."

Everyone besides the ridiculed girl laughed, "Y'all are serious mother fuckers. Insufferable." She took another bite of her food before she slyly spit it out and placed her plate back on the table.

Raven didn't even have to ask when Lexa offered, "I got extra spaghetti and meatballs. Give me your plate, Reyes."

Raven hopped up and down excitedly like a puppy as she handed the taller girl her plate, "Thank you so much! I love you! That chicken tastes like a fucking pillow. I've bit into my fair share of pillows and I swear this chicken is dryer. I don't even know why you guys let me cook. It's just wasting food and money at this point."

Lexa shook her head, "Maybe because your middle name is stubborn and the last time I told you that you couldn't cook, Monty almost had to stitch me up!"

Raven's face fell, "Oh yeah… That. Sorry about that again." Raven kissed Lexa on the cheek and grabbed the filled plate from the other girl's hand, before returning to her seat.

Lexa feigned disgust and dramatically wiped the kiss off her face, "Whatever. I wasn't going to finish it anyways. It would have gone to waste."

"Whatever bitch, I know you always got my back."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever Reyes."

They all continued to eat and joke around for a while when Lexa heard her phone beep. She finished her bite and pulled it out finding that she had a message from her sister, Anya.

[ **Anya** ] Hey sis. Just got home. My layover flight was delayed. I'm so damn tired.

[ **Lexa** ] Good. Was getting worried when you didn't text me. Was about to alert the search team. Lol

[ **Anya** ] Well I'm texting you now. I'm about to hop straight into bed. How was your day?

[ **Lexa** ] Same 'ol. There was an overturned truck earlier. We got the guy out of it. No casualties. So I guess that always makes the day better.

[ **Anya** ] Look at my little sister out there saving lives. I'm so proud.

[ **Lexa** ] Shut up.

[ **Anya** ] Haha. Anything else you wanted to tell me about your day?

[ **Lexa** ] Nope.

[ **Anya** ] You sure?

Lexa was sure that Anya knew about her sighting of the blonde today somehow and she was eager to find out. Lexa looked up from her phone and eyed everyone suspiciously, "ALRIGHT! WHO TALKED TO MY FUCKING SISTER?"

The group of friends jumped, alarmed at the sudden outburst. Everyone aside from Raven looked at her and she easily found the answer to her question. "Really Rave?"

The other girl finally looked up and made eye contact, "She asked me to tell her if it ever happened again and I promised her, Lex. She's just worried. Please don't kill me."

Lexa glared at Raven before readjusting her eyes to her cell phone once again, "We'll talk about this later."

[ **Lexa** ] Anya. You can't ask my friends to spy for you. We have a bro code and because of you, she broke it.

[ **Anya** ] Sue me. I care.

[ **Anya** ] So what happened?

[ **Lexa** ] Nothing. I thought I saw her. I didn't. I moved on. You should too.

[ **Anya** ] You sure you okay? I'm here for you if you need to vent.

[ **Lexa** ] Sis it's okay. I'm okay. I worked it out earlier. If I'm not okay I'll call you. But for now you should get some sleep. You've had a long day and you've got a long day at work tomorrow. I must get back to dinner anyways. Mom and dad would beat me senseless for my table manners right now. Good night. I love you.

[ **Anya** ] Okay. Remember, just a phone call away. Love you too baby sis.

Lexa quickly slid her phone back into her pocket and went back to consuming her food. She knew that Anya only worried because she cared, but it always made her feel like she was a little child again. Reverting back to the times when she was a scrawny little girl who needed her big sister to help fight her battles. She was grown now and she could fight her own battles. Whether they were physical or emotional battles, she could hold her own now. Still, she knew it came from a place of love and Lexa was blessed to have her as a sister.

She also knew that Raven only told Anya because she was worried as well, so she really couldn't blame the other girl too much for keeping her promise. She looked up at the other girl who gave her a small apologetic smile. Lexa gave her a small nod back, silently accepting her apology.

Lexa quickly scarfed down the rest of her food and excused herself to the sleeping quarters, needing some peace and tranquility. They all understood and let her be. Lying down on the bed she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. It had been a long day and maybe all she needed was to rest her eye.

Her shift was to be over by 7:00 AM the following morning and it had been a quiet day, so Lexa was hoping she could just sleep it off until she was released from work. It took some time, but she finally dozed off dreaming about a certain blonde she tried her best all day not to think about.

* * *

Now that you guys have seen into both their lives, we're gonna get this started. Tell me what you think so far though. I'll try to post once a week after these initial 3 chapters.


	4. A Raw Fucking Potato

**_Month 7_**

 ** _Dear Ms. Griffin,_**

 ** _My name is Cage Wallace and I'm the am the Creative Director at Travelers of the Ark. I have personally been taking notice of your travels and I am very interested in making you an offer to be part of our wonderful team. We have been recently searching for someone to take over the blog portion of our website when I came across your blog. You have the type of charisma and personality we have been missing from our team for a long time now. We are giving you the opportunity to do exactly as you are right now, but in a bigger way. We would be taking care of your travel expenses as well as pay you for your services and accommodate you in anyway possible. The only stipulation is that we ask you to put the word out there for us. Thank us in your videos and wear our merchandise. I've noticed that you've traveled to 20 different cities in the last six months and in those six months you have gained over 100,000 followers on your site. I could only imagine how many more places you can travel to with Travelers of the Ark backing you. Please consider our offer and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to email me._**

 ** _I hope to hear from you soon,_**

 ** _Cage Wallace_**

 ** _Creative Director_**

 _Clarke sat there at a café in Oslo, Norway silently reading and rereading the email she had received earlier that morning. Knowing nothing at all about the company that emailed her, she did what any modern day individual would do; she googled them. "Travelers of the Ark," she read aloud as she typed it into the search bar._

 _From what she could see, they were a sports store. They sold clothing and equipment for everything from snowboarding to horseback riding. Clarke opened a new tab on her web browser and reluctantly checked her bank account, knowing that her funds were getting pretty low._

 _When her father had died, he had left behind some money for her and it was certainly enough for her to get through most of the nights in the previous six months, but she knew that it was only a matter of time before she hit zero. That time was coming pretty quick as she was spending a good chunk of her time lately drawing tourist in the town square for money. That was the only reason she still had the financial leeway to travel as much as she did in those months._

 _She took a small sip from her mug of coffee as she contemplated whether or not she wanted to take up this opportunity. She had been traveling nonstop for the past six months and she was getting pretty exhausted, but every time she entered a new city and saw the unexplored territory it had to offer, her energy was renewed. She could always go home and get on her hands and knee and beg for her mom to forgive her and take her back in, but then it would go back how it was before she left and she would much rather starve on the streets than go back to that situation._

 _Clarke clicked on one of her bookmarked pages and opened up the blog she had been running for the past six months. Realizing that one day she would want to look back on her travels and relive them again, the blonde opted to create a travel blog. She reviewed the past several months of her life, bringing up both good and bad memories._

 _She spent most of her time in Italy, trying to visit as many cities as she possibly could. Starting in Venice she eventually moved to cities like Naples, Rome, and even Vatican City. Vienna was when she finally decided to leave Italy and it was followed by Prague and Warsaw. She traveled heading north east and then finally westbound towards Norway. She tried to do every insignificant thing possible in every city, but it was starting to get expensive, so she slowed it down to every significant thing she could afford to do in each city._

 _She was probably halfway through Rome when she realized she could use her talents to her advantage. She was roaming around Rome one day and she found a bunch of artist and musicians in the town square making use of their talents. They did everything from playing drums on the garbage cans to drawing caricatures. It was just like she saw in those old movies her dad would watch with her._

 _The following day, a very inspired Clarke headed out to the same area with her pencil and pad where she started drawing tourists for small donations. She honestly didn't make much those first days because they were just quick sketches, but she was mainly doing it because for those few hours she was doing something she loved and she got to meet and converse with so many different people from all around the world. So that's when she decided that she was going to make it a point to do this in every city possible._

 _It was actually a big part of her blog. After she drew all of her customers, she would ask if she could snap a picture of her drawing for her blog. She'd usually post their picture along with a little blurb about what she'd learn about them or even where they were from._

 _She scrolled through all those pictures along with all the other scenic photos she had been taking in those months. There was no way she was going home when she had barely made a crack in her travel plans and she realized she still had so much more to experience. The reason she left home was to run away from everything, but it became something much more than that._

 _Her decision was made as she opened up a new tab, creating a new email draft for a Mr. Cage Wallace. Not wanting to seem to eager and get taken advantage of, she opted to just ask him about the benefits and the requirements of the gig._

 _The two strangers emailed back and forth for a couple of weeks, trying to come up with a salary that was fair for both parties. When they had finally settled the final details of the contract, Cage and his father Dante, the CEO of Travelers of the Ark, invited the young blonde back to New York to sign the papers._

 _She had been gone for almost eight months at that point, and she had yet return to US soil even once. She couldn't yet. It was also too close to home. It was too close for comfort. She refused his offer and said that the only way she was going to agree to those terms and sign the paperwork was if the came to her._

 _After some convincing from Dante, Cage begrudgingly agreed to meet Clarke in the UK, London, England to be specific. They had a small office out there and the date was set for them to meet._

 _Clarke herself was actually ecstatic that they were supposed to meet in London. She had never been to the city and London was a great place to start her new journey. Now with Travelers of the Ark on her side, she could travel anywhere she wanted. She could go to Carnival or see the Northern Lights. She could go to Pride in Amsterdam and see a show at the Sydney Opera House. A whole world of opportunities were open and all she had to do was wear their clothing and use their equipment, as well as speak highly of their brand._

 _The following week Dante flew Clarke out to their office in London and she signed the papers, officially kick starting her new blog in London. That day was the birthdate of Grifscape._

* * *

Clarke suddenly awoke to the sound of a car backfiring and she quickly picked up her phone in an attempt to find out what time it was. "Damn it."

In her rush to sleep, she had completely forgotten to charge her phone. She brought her wrist up to her sight to check the time, but she hadn't charged her watch since the morning before her flight, so it was completely dead as well, "Fuck!"

Just her luck, she was in a strange city and she didn't even know the date or time. For all she knew, she could have slept for days, considering her new mattress had been one of the most comfortable beds she had ever slept on.

She swung her feet over to the side of the bed, got up quickly, immediately regretting it as the head rush hit her heavily and she found herself needing to steady herself against the wall. Shaking it off, she made her way to her carry on and rummaged through one of the front pockets, trying to find her charger. She finally found it, "Fuck me." She tossed the cord and the useless brick onto her bed, after realizing that she was now in America and her phone charger was ultimately useless.

She pulled out a towel and some fresh clean clothes, deciding that, if anything, she could at least take a shower. She opened her room peering out to see if anyone was in the main room, but when she found it empty, she stepped out into the hall, silently closing the door behind her.

She walked down to the end of the hall and made a right turn into the bathroom. She placed her items on the counter, where she found a note beside three small bottles, which contained shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. She picked up the note and read it with a smile.

 **I'm assuming you probably didn't have a chance to head to the store yet. I usually have some of these laying around in case some friends decide to stay over, but I'm sure you'd enjoy it more than any of them right now. I hope you have a successful first day in L.A. I had to head into work early, but text me if you need anything.**

 **Miller.**

 **P.S. I'm still down for Ikea tomorrow if you are. I need to pick up a few things anyways.**

She was definitely blessed to find such a great roommate like Miller. She exchanged the note for the bottles and placed them neatly in the bath stall. The blonde stripped herself free of her dirty clothes and turned on the water, praying that it would heat up sooner rather than later.

Once it was hot enough, she jumped in and drowned herself in the steaming water, needing to wash away all of her nerves. Her day consisted of picking up a few necessities and then heading over to the large studio to check out her new gallery.

She was excited, but it was always nerve-racking starting over, especially because she really didn't know much about starting a gallery. She only knew as much as she had picked up from other gallery owners during her trip. She had the art aspect of it down, but the business aspect was definitely going to be a struggle.

When she exited the shower, she rapidly dried herself off and got changed, ready to leave her new apartment. She grabbed her phone and put it into her purse as she exited the residence, locking the door behind her.

She basked in the beautiful Los Angeles day and took a deep breath as she walked to the local Target nearby. As she walked the few blocks to the store she realized how strange it was for her to be crowded by Americans again. For the majority of the previous years she was surrounded by so many different foreign languages. At least if she got lost this time, she could stop and ask for directions with ease.

She quickly browsed the store and grabbed some of the things she needed including a new American charging brick and a portable charger for the time being.

The wandering blonde's stomach started growling by the time she had paid for her items and left the store. In that moment that she realized that she hadn't eaten since before she got on her final flight, because she slept through her meal on the flight. The famished girl plugged her phone into the portable charging brick and made her way around to corner to find something to eat.

Clarke was lucky, only having to walk a block before she found a small but crowded café to her left. She walked straight in, eager to find some food for her empty stomach.

The queue was only a few customers long, which gave her enough time to browse the menu. They had everything from salads to sandwiches, but she decided on a their turkey burger, as she hadn't had proper American food in years and she was really craving a burger. They didn't have any beef burgers, so she had to make do with the turkey one. "Next!"

Clarke stepped up to the counter and gave the small Hispanic woman behind the register a smile, "Hi! I'll have a turkey burger and a green tea espresso please!"

The lady was completely focused on the screen, "Turkey and green tea espresso. Okay! Anything else?" Clarke shook her head no and handed the woman her card. "Here or takeout?"

"Here. Thank you." After the woman handed Clarke her card back, she signed the receipt and walked outside finding herself a nice seat in the corner by the street. Sitting down she pulled out her phone and turned it on, glad she was finally able to tell the time.

It was only 3:15 PM which meant Clarke was only a little behind schedule. She had enough time to eat lunch before heading down to the studio to grab her key from the owner.

She placed her phone on the table and took in her surroundings, finding many people her age having lunch with each other and joking around. It reminded of her days back in D.C. but she made her choice and left, so it was a price she had to pay.

She looked up and found a beautiful, tan, dark haired girl walk up the steps and towards the entrance of the café. The girl's top rode up just a bit and Clarke could see a set of perfectly sculpted abs. She realized a little too late that she was staring averted her eyes up where she found that she was caught by the girl.

The other girl just chucked and winked at the now flustered blonde and continued her walk inside. Completely mortified now, Clarke picked her phone back up and decided to look up Ikea's website and start searching for furniture.

It wasn't long before her order arrived to the table and she was thankful because she honestly didn't think she was going to survive another five minutes.

Clarke bit into the burger and let out a satisfied moan. She hadn't had proper food in days and the burger definitely hit the spot. She was about to take another bite when the same girl from earlier walked by her table and whispered, "I'm sure I can make you moan louder than that."

Clarke was thanking every god that she had already swallowed her food because she was on the verge of choking on air when she heard the other girl's voice. Clarke sipped her drink and watched the stranger saunter away with a bag of food in her hand.

"I could get used to California," she said to herself before averting her attention back to her food.

* * *

"Lexa!" Raven called. "What did you want for lunch?"

"Whatever you aren't cooking!" Lexa replied from the sofa in the other room, chuckling to herself.

"RUDE!" Raven exclaimed walking in the room finding Lexa lying with a book in her hands. "I'm gonna buy you a potato. A raw fucking potato."

Lexa continued laughing placing the book on her stomach, but not getting up from her previous position. "Ask Officer Blake. She's still on her way home, right?"

Raven nodded and tapped away on her phone while Lexa put her full concentration back on the book. After several moments the girl finally said, "O says she doesn't care as long as she gets a cookie."

Lexa rolled her eyes, "Of course. Just get me a turkey burger from that place on Melrose. It's called Urth Caffé. They have the best organic chocolate chip cookies. Get her a couple of those. Oh yeah, and can you also get me a hot black dark roast?"

"Dude, your taste in coffee is atrocious. You drink like an old white man. Black coffee during the day and whiskey on the rocks at night. No wonder you don't date often. They must have a serious granddaddy complex if they come back for round two with you," Raven insulted. "Do you lure them in with Werther's Originals too? Sweeten the pot with some black licorice?"

Lexa shook her head with a small smile, "Sue me, I have a classic menu."

"If that's what you wanna call it. I'd call it a 55+ menu." Raven retorted again.

"Shouldn't you be out there getting food?" Lexa asked wanting nothing more than to be completely immersed in her new book.

"Fine." The shorter girl huffed, "Text me if you need anything else." She walked out of the room towards the front before yelling out, "I LOVE YOU, PAPPY!"

Lexa plainly ignored her and went back to her book, trying to get in as much peace and quiet before Octavia got home with Lincoln.

Officially, Octavia lived with both Raven and Lexa, but she had spent most of her nights at Lincoln's house when he wasn't working. They had been together for almost three years, meeting when Lincoln had showed up and saved their apartment.

They had been inseparable since and Lexa was glad because she found that they were perfect for each other. Octavia brought Lincoln out of his shell and Lincoln reels Octavia back in when she's ventured off too far.

Lexa was completely lost in her book, as she didn't hear her roommate return back home, "Lex! I'm back! With food! Are O and Linc back yet?"

"No!" Lexa replied, eyes still glued to the page.

"What are you talking about? We've been home for over 20 minutes!" They heard their other roommate yell from the top of the stairs.

"Hey, Lex! Hey, Raven!" Lincoln added coming out of the room hugging his girlfriend from behind.

"Oh. Sorry. I guess I wasn't paying too much attention to the door." Lexa admitted. "Hi, Lincoln. Octavia."

They made their way down the stairs while Lexa sat up and put her book underneath the coffee table, making room for the group.

Raven walked over and placed the food on the table, "There was this cute blonde chick at the place. She was mad checking me out guys."

"Your ego is inflated enough. You really don't need another boost, do you?" Octavia joked as she pulled out her chicken salad and handed Lincoln his small pizza.

"She was staring at me and I winked and she got all cute and flustered. It was adorable, so I decided to try to make her choke on her food on the way out."

Lexa swallowed a bite of her food before commenting, "There you go. Raven Reyes, saving lives by night and assaulting the public by day. Raven, you really are the perfect citizen."

The table of friends laughed at her comment and continued to make small talk while they consumed their food and enjoyed their well-deserved day off.

By the end of their late lunch they had all decided to rest up and watch a movie or two before making their way down to Octavia's brother Bellamy's bar.

Raven mass texted the rest of their squad and they all decided to make it a group hangout.

Somewhere in between the first and second movie though, Lexa found herself fighting sleep and in the end sleep won.

* * *

 **Week 1**

 _Octavia and Lexa sat on Lexa's bed with letter in the latter's hands, "It came this afternoon after I got out of class."_

 _Octavia ripped the letter from the other girl's hands, shaking her head, rereading the letter again for the tenth time, "There's no way. This is Clarke we are talking about. She'll be back by next week. She just needed a break."_

 _Lexa gently took that same piece of paper back, and folded it neatly before placing it back in the envelope it had arrived it. "You're right O, she'll have her moment of freedom and be back in no time," Lexa said reassuringly trying to comfort her friend._

 _"_ _Let's just watch a movie," Lexa offered, tightly wrapping her left arm around the smaller one's shoulder as she turned on her laptop with her free hand._

 _The two of them spent the rest of the night in that exact position, neither of them needing or even wanting to move._

* * *

 **Week 2**

 _"_ _Any word from Griffter yet?" Octavia ask hopefully as she hopped on her roommate's bed._

 _Lexa was sat in her desk chair reading a new book, "Nope. Nothing. No new letter. No email. No text. Facebook still deactivated. Twitter still silent. Tumblr is still just a queue."_

 _"_ _How do you know it's a queue?" Octavia asked curiously as she played with her phone._

 _"_ _I was there when she was adding to the queue and I remember some of those posts." Lexa replied blandly, not looking up from her book._

 _"_ _Oh." Octavia instantaneously looked up from her phone at the other girl, "Hey! How come you get to know her user and not me?"_

 _The girl in question laughed dryly, "I guess that's just one of my benefits."_

 _"_ _What other benefits do you have?"_

 _"_ _Picking her up from her one night stands," Lexa replied seemingly disinterested in anything besides the book she was holding._

 _Octavia laughed, "Okay, then I guess you deserve to know it."_

* * *

 **Week 4**

 ** _[Octavia]_** _Still radio silence?_

 ** _[Lexa]_** _Not even white noise_

 ** _[Octavia]_** _Lexa, it's been a month. Maybe she wasn't kidding after all._

 ** _[Lexa]_** _She was never kidding. We just expected her to get tired of it sooner._

 ** _[Octavia]_** _Are we even sure she's okay?! What if something happened to her?_

 ** _[Lexa]_** _I'm sure she still has her I.D. on her. If anything happened I'm sure her mom would be notified. I talked to Mrs. Griffin the other day and she still hasn't heard anything new. She's losing her shit._

 ** _[Octavia]_** _Damn Lex, I know she was strict on Clarke, but this was a new level of tantrum. I can't imagine what must be going through Mrs. G's head._

 ** _[Lexa]_** _Same things going through ours but maybe just more intensified._

 ** _[Lexa]_** Keep your head up O. It's only been a month. She'll be back soon.

 ** _[Octavia]_** _I hope so. I miss her. And you've been so busy with Costia. I swear I never see you anymore. It's like I lost both of my best friends._

 ** _[Lexa]_** _We'll hang out next week after I get back from NY with Cos okay?_

 ** _[Octavia]_** _Promise?_

 ** _[Lexa]_** _Promise with a cherry on top._

* * *

 **Week 13**

 _"_ _She's not coming back is she?" Lexa jumped, startled by the sudden presence of the other girl in the room. Lexa was just sat on her floor, focusing at something on the carpet below her when Octavia walked in gloomily._

 _She just silently shook her head, never removing her focus from a strand of blonde hair on the ground that must have escaped her vacuums wrath earlier that day._

 _The girl by the door wordlessly made her way to the floor next to her friend, leaning her head on the other girl's shoulder when she finally sat._

 _They sat there quietly for what seemed like hours before Octavia spoke, "So what now?"_

 _"_ _Move on. Live our lives just like she is living hers." Lexa answered quietly._

 _"_ _We're not even gonna look for her, Lex?" Octavia asked hopefully._

 _"_ _She doesn't want us to, O." Lexa answered, this time a little louder than the last. "She doesn't need us." She continued getting louder with every word. "She doesn't fucking need us. So we don't fucking need her."_

 _Lexa hastily stood up causing Octavia to fall over, as she no longer had a support for her head. "I'm tired of this shit, O! I'm tired of thinking about her. I'm tired of worrying about her. The whole world doesn't revolve around Clarke Griffin!"_

 _At this point Lexa was close to screaming and the tears that she had been holding in for months started to stream down her face. "I'm tired of wondering if she going to come home! I'm tired of wondering where she is now! If she's got a place to sleep. Or fucking food to eat. Or if she's fucking dead in a ditch in the middle of fuck knows where!"_

 _Octavia quickly rose to her feet and wrapped both her arms around her best friend trying her best to keep herself together because it was obvious that the other girl needed her right now, "I'm exhausted, Octavia. It's time to stop thinking about her because she's obviously never thought of us."_

 _Octavia just stood there holding a crying Lexa for sometime before they got tired and moved to the bed. Lexa spent the rest of the night cuddled in the other girl's arms as they silently consoled the other with nothing but each other's presence._

* * *

After Clarke finished her meal, she walked the several blocks to her new studio, and picked the key to her future. After the paperwork was signed, her landlord Ms. Tsing left and she was left to her own in the large and empty room.

With a huge smile on her face, Clarke took in a deep breath and let it out. It was going to be a lot of work, but she knew that in the end it was going to be worth it. She was going to release her artwork and even give other struggling artists a chance at doing what they love for a living.

She walked into the back where there was a small room right besides a restroom and opened it's doors. It was a small room, but it had more than enough space to fit a desk and some filing cabinets.

She stepped back outside into the larger empty room and where others saw a bare room, she only saw potential. That room had the potential to be anything Clarke wanted, and she wanted it to be a success.

She spent the next couple hours daydreaming and planning the space before she realized that it was quickly getting dark and she should start walking back home. She took one last look at the room before locking it up carefully and leaving.

Another reason she loved Miller's apartment was because it was only a ten-minute walk from her studio. She had always hated driving, so she was glad when she found that everything was in walking distance. It gave her an excuse to not drive and get some air and light exercise every day.

It was dinnertime by the time she entered her new apartment and she was starting to feel hungry again. She found herself aimlessly walking into the kitchen and she smiled as she read the post-it note Miller had left her on the fridge, just as he had promised the previous day.

 **Blakeology.**

 **Corner of Melrose and La Cienaga**

 **Big red and white sign**

 **Can't miss it**

 **But if you do text me**

 **I'll be there from 8 til closing**

 **Hope to see you there!**

 **REMEMBER THERE'S FREE FOOD**

 **miller.**

"Why not?" She asked herself aloud as she put the piece of paper in her wallet and walked into her bathroom to freshen up. She spent the next 15 minutes doing her makeup before she changed into a black blouse with dark skinny jeans, feeling like that had more of a bar vibe than what she had on previously.

She placed her watch on the now plugged in charging block and replaced it with a simpler analog one. The watch had originally belonged to her father and no matter where she went, she had always carried it with her. It didn't even work anymore but it was like a piece of him, and she never wanted to lose it.

The only other thing she had kept with her during her entire travels was a simple gold necklace with a small house shaped charm on it. That was the one thing she never took off. It was like a security blanket for her.

She double-checked herself in the mirror as she played with the charm between her fingers out of habit. Feeling completely satisfied with the way she looked, she left the home once again and made her way into the streets of West Hollywood.

The late winter air was crisp as she peacefully walked towards the bar. She had passed a few groups of friends, who were all enjoying their Friday nights, free of any worries. They all joked around, obviously buzzed at the very least as they made their ways into the local clubs and lounges.

Even at her calm pace, she quickly made it to her final destination, Blakeology. She walked inside and made her way straight to the bar where she saw Miller shaking up a drink for a taller blonde man who was clearly flirting shamelessly. He had his hand on her roommates forearm and threw his head back violently in laughter when Miller had said something.

That was when Miller looked up and made eye contact with Clarke, waving her over with a bright smile plastered on his face. He poured the man his drink as she walked over and the man left a 20 note on the counter before walking away towards his group to the side.

"You made it!" Miller said loudly over the music. "Grab a seat!" He grabbed a menu and handed it to her. "I'm going to give you this out of courtesy, but you should really order the Blaking Hell Burger. It's the only non-alcoholic item we are known for."

Clarke just nodded with a laugh putting her hand out to reject the menu, "Sounds great! I'll take one of those and a bottle of your best beer."

"Awesome. A BHB and a bottle of Swordfish coming right up!" Miller left the counter for a minute before coming right back to the blonde and handed her a bottle of beer with a drawing of a swordfish on the front.

"I thought you were the manager," she asked before taking a sip of the beer.

He started to reply as he wiped the counter clear of excess liquids, "I am, but one of our bartenders, Finn, is running late. I'm just holding the crowd off for him."

"Ahhh. I guess that's what you get for being a manager." Clarke replied with a nod.

"How's your first full day in L.A.?" He asked curiously as he waved at someone behind her.

"It was alright. I had lunch at Urth Caffé and I picked up my key for the studio. Over all I'd call today successful." Clarke replied with a smile.

He gave her a quick smile before he started to talk to someone behind her, "Hey! Is Monty here yet? I want to introduce him to my new roommate!"

Clarke turned around to face the person Miller was talking to and was met with a familiar brunette. "CLARKE?" And that was the last thing she saw before her face was met with the blunt force of her old friend's fist.

* * *

"Finally!" Raven exclaimed as she and her friends walked into Blakeology. "This was literally the longest week ever!"

"You always say that." Lexa mentioned with a scoff as she took a seat in the back of the bar. "Every week we get a drink here and every week you say that it was the longest week ever. In the words of Oprah, 'what is the truth?'"

"Technically every week could be longer than the last." Raven reasoned.

"Whatever ever you say." Lexa responded with a small smile wondering why she ever bothered to argue with the other girl.

They both sat there making small talk for several minutes before seeing Miller across the room behind the bar. Both of the girls threw a wave at their friend. That was when Raven spotted the blonde girl at the bar turn around. She had only been facing their direction for a total of two seconds when Raven watched their other roommate punch the familiar girl in the face.

"What the fuck?" Raven exclaimed.

"What?" Lexa asked completely immersed in her phone.

"The girl I was hitting on is at the bar… And O just totally wailed on her face!" Raven answered animatedly as she imitated the scene she just watched unfold.

Lexa, finally finding her interest, looked up at the bar and found the girl she had been dreaming to see for the past five years. "Clarke?"

* * *

Author's Note : Hey guys! How's it going? Hope you enjoyed my latest chapter. Tell me your thoughts. I should be updating soon. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chicken, Pineapples, Banana Peppers

"Octavia! What the fuck?", Miller exclaimed as he jumped over the bar to help out his new roommate. Clarke was taken aback by the blow to her face. Literally. She was taken a few steps back trying to regain her balance. When she had finally found her footing she looked up and found Miller standing next to her, holding her steady, and her old friend glaring at her as a larger man was holding her back.

"Nice to see you too, O." Clarke finally spoke while holding her face, trying to stop her blood from seeping through her fingers and drip to the floor.

Miller instantly pulled a towel from his back pocket and handed it to her, trying to assist her as much as he could. "Thanks," she mumbled not taking her eyes off her assailant as she took the towel, trying to stop as much of the bleeding as she could.

Octavia was still struggling in the other man's tight hold, "Lincoln! I swear to god! Let me go or I will arrest your ass!"

Lincoln just gripped onto the girl tighter, "Arrest me for what, O?"

Octavia just growled as she continued to fight out of his hold but it was futile, "For obstruction of fucking justice!" She was screaming at this point, and Clarke could clearly see the tears filling her eyes from where she stood.

"It's okay, you can let her go," Clarke stated calmly, still holding the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger and the borrowed towel in the palm of her hand. She kept her eyes focused on the other girl trying not to look away, but all she saw was hurt infused with so much anger. It was almost too hard to keep the eye contact as every second made her heart ache more and more.

"Clarke?" Raven exclaimed looking back and forth between the blonde and brunette across the floor, "The same Clarke? The one that left you and Octavia? That same bitch?"

Lexa nodded slowly, obviously still shocked by seeing her old friend again after so long.

When she finally ripped her eyes from the other girl, she found that Raven was no longer standing next to her and instead she was marching straight up to Clarke.

Lexa tried to keep up with her friend but Raven had a few seconds head start. "Hey. You're the girl from th…" She heard a distantly familiar voice state before Raven hit her straight into the other side of her face.

Clarke's sentence remained incomplete as she was thrown off guard by the second blow to the face. She was looking to the ground for a moment, but when she had looked back up, Lexa, who was now holding her friend back, locked with her burning blue eyes.

The same set of eyes she had seen a million times before. The same set of eyes that she thought she'd never get to see face to face again. The same set of eyes that she saw in her head every night months after the blonde's sudden departure. The same set of eyes that tortured her for longer than she was proud to admit.

Neither of the girls dropped their intense gazes and all that was heard for a full minute was the sound of everyone's heavy breathing mixed in with the hustle and bustle of the bar. It was finally Miller that broke the silence, "Anybody wanna tell me why my new roommate is getting the shit beat out of her by my good friends?"

"This place has a hell of a welcoming committee," Lexa heard Clarke murmur; not missing the tears filling her already glassy eyes as she calmly but quickly walked right passed them out of the bar.

"What the hell, Raven?" Lexa exclaimed after letting go of her when she was sure the other girl was gone. "Why the hell did you punch her?"

"Girl had it coming. After what she did to you two? She deserved much more than what I gave her." Raven spat as she rubbed her aching fist.

"You didn't have to hit her. You really could have just fed her some of your chicken and that would have been payback enough." Lincoln joked with a small chuckle trying, but failing miserably at lightening the mood.

"Lincoln. I'm being serious. She really hurt Lexa and Octavia. She's your girlfriend. Don't you believe her honor should be fought for?" Raven asked as she took a bunch of ice wrapped in a rag from the manager, nodding a silent thank you.

Lincoln chuckled again, "Have you met my girlfriend?! She doesn't need anyone fighting for her honor. She can do that on her own." Lincoln grabbed the second makeshift ice pack from his friend and placed it on her knuckles softly before continuing, "Case #307 being this dumb ass move from earlier."

He kissed the side of her head, "But I'm just saying. You guys chose to protect people for a living. You can't just go around and hit people because you're pissed. There are other ways to go about this."

It was finally Lexa's turn to chime in, "I agree with, Lincoln. I am pissed at her, but you guys shouldn't have done that. Octavia! You're a police officer. This could have serious implications on your job. Also, what would you have done if either one or both of you broke your fists?"

Octavia's face finally softened and it looked like she was finally to the point of starting to calm down, "Okay, I guess I did overreact, but I don't know. I saw her face and I just felt all the anger of the past few years rush back at once. I remembered all those nights we'd sit around and wonder where she was or what she was doing. Wondering if she was ever going to come home."

Octavia winced in pain as Lincoln put a little bit more pressure on her fist, "I was hurt. I reacted badly, but I'm not going to lie and say that I regret it. I guess I still have some pent up aggression over this."

Lexa walked over to Octavia and wrapped her in a tight hug, "Me too, O. Me too."

They stayed in that same position, neither girl needing to break apart, before Miller brought out a tray of varying drinks and shots. "Here. On the house. Looks like you guys are gonna need it if this is how you're gonna start the night. "

Lexa thanked him and grabbed a few shots, downing them quickly. The bar was starting to get warm as more people entered and the highly alcoholic glasses didn't give her body the cool down it needed. "I need some air. I'll be back," was all she said before she walked back out towards the exit of the bar.

She made a left and walked down the way, shivering lightly when a breeze blew by. She couldn't believe that Clarke was actually back. Maybe she wasn't back in her life, but she was within reach. She was no longer a ghost.

Lexa wasn't exactly sure how she had felt about that. It had taken her a long time to accept Clarke's departure and even longer for her to get over it. She wasn't even sure she had completely gotten beyond it yet, considering she occasionally still had her string of sleepless nights where she woke up in cold sweat dreaming of the other girl.

She continued walking down the street aimlessly, just trying to get some air and clear her thoughts some. That was when she noticed a familiar blonde sitting on a nearby bus bench.

* * *

Clarke had only walked about a block or two before she sat down on a bus bench, needing to process what had happened just minutes ago.

She sat there, her head tilted back, staring at the few stars that were shining above her head, but what other choice did she have; she needed to keep her head tilted back so the blood would stop flowing out of her nostrils.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath through her mouth. Octavia punched her right in the nose. Then the cute girl from the café punched her in the eye. Then Lexa was there holding the other girl back. And they all knew her new roommate. What kind of telenovela did she fly into?

Clarke was halfway through a thought about Lexa when she felt someone sit down next to her. Assuming it was just someone waiting for the bus, she kept her eyes closed and just focused on breathing.

"So, you're back." Clarke heard and she whipped her head up and stared straight back into the pair of green eyes she had left behind half a decade ago. "Or have you been back? Or did you never leave?"

Lexa seemed extremely calm compared to the other pair of girls who just did a number on her face. Clarke finding it too hard to hold her penetrating gaze went back to looking above her, "Just got in yesterday."

She heard Lexa chuckled and she felt the butterflies returning, realizing how much she had missed that sound, "Did you come in around 8 in the AM?"

Clarke looked back over and quirked her good eyebrow at the other girl, "Uh, yeah. How did you know?"

Lexa shook her head and looking straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact with Clarke again, "Saw you at the airport yesterday. Thought I was hallucinating, but I guess I wasn't."

They were both quiet for a while. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it wasn't exactly comforting either. Clarke didn't know what to say. There was so much to say, but she didn't know where to start.

It was a good five minutes of silence before Clarke tried to start it with an apology, "Lexa…"

That was when Lexa put her hand up in the air to stop her and stood up, "Not tonight, Clarke. It was just good to see you. Let's not ruin it with more words."

Lexa had turned around at this point but before she started walking she stated, "You look really good, Clarke, I'm glad. Maybe next time we meet there will be less violence and under better circumstances."

The last thing she heard the other girl say as she made her way down the street was, "Good night, Clarke. Ice your face. At least you can heal physical wounds." Clarke swore she could physically feel her heart sink into the depths of hell, where she felt she belonged in that moment.

She knew that when she had left her friends would be upset, but she had just assumed that they would eventually forget her, it would be over with and she would never see them again.

She had thought about contacting them when she got back, but she had left them with a note and never even checked in with them once in those five years. Technically she had only left Lexa a note, and Octavia with nothing – not even a goodbye.

To be fair, Clarke deserved that first punch from Octavia and she knew it. Not to say she expected it, because that was surely the last way she thought the night was going to end. She decided to get up and start walking home to clean herself up and end the night.

The walk home had definitely cleared her mind more, but it didn't mean she was feeling better - not by a long shot. She was looking at two options. She could either find a way to mend her broken bridges with the girls or she could just ignore it and everyone would move on with their lives.

It would surely be an easier option to go with the latter, but she didn't think she could follow through with it. Knowing that her old friends now lived in the same town again made her feel uneasy with a small side of relief.

They were the closest to home she had ever felt and even though they were obviously no longer on good terms, it still comforted her knowing that they were near.

Clarke decided to shower again, hoping it would clear off the night's turmoil. As soon as the beaten blonde got into the shower her head wandered to a day in the past too long ago.

* * *

 _"Clarke, honey! Are you home?" Clarke heard her mom yell from the bottom of the stairs as she entered the house coming home from a long day in surgery. Clarke had just gotten home not too long ago from her last finals of the semester. It had been her most trying semester yet, as she was struggling to keep as much interest in the subject as possible._

 _Clarke herself had never intended to go to medical school, but her mother had somehow softened her resolve and she found herself finishing the last of her pre-med requisites that day. She only had a semester left of school before she had to enter medical school, and it would be an understatement to say that she was dreading the coming days after her winter break._

 _She was still in the shower when she heard her mother announce her presence again, "Clarke!"_

 _"SHOWER!" The blonde yelled out as loud as she could, hoping her mother heard her, so she could clean herself in peace._

 _"Okay. Come down when you are done, okay sweetie?" The older woman voiced._

 _"Sure." Clarke was tired and she was ready for a night of movies and dinner with her girls. With everyone bombarded with finals and their love lives, the girls really didn't have much time to see each other. She hadn't seen Octavia in over a week and Lexa had canceled their last three plans, but she had promised that there was no way she was going to cancel today._

 _Clarke got out of her steamy shower and quickly checked the time as she dried herself off. She still had another two hours before she was due as Lexa's house and she couldn't wait another minute. She had really missed her best friend and she was more than ready to sit back and relax for the first time in too long._

 _Clarke quickly got dressed in a tank top and jeans, grabbing Lexa's Polis U hoodie and her winter coat as she left her room, heading down to see what her mom wanted. She slipped the hoodie on and waltzed into the kitchen, "Yes, mom?" Clarke kissed her mom on the cheek before she sat down and watched her mom make herself dinner._

 _"You seem to be in a good mood." Her mom noticed as she eyed her daughter._

 _"Finals are over and I can just relax for a few weeks." Clarke answered, visibly uninterested in the forthcoming conversation._

 _Abby continued to focus on cutting the vegetables on the cutting board, "Speaking of your finals, how did you do on them?"_

 _The younger Griffin groaned, "I don't know mom. I just took them today and the grades won't be released for another couple weeks."_

 _"Well if you did the work correctly and studied then you would know how you did on the test. Did you know all the answers or did you struggle on them?"_

 _"No struggling mom. I did fine," she replied trying her best to get her mom off her back._

 _"Fine? Just fine?" Her mom criticized. "You know that this is just the beginning of it. Medical school is around the corner and it'll be 100 times harder. If you aren't picking it up now, then I'm not too sure how successful you'll be there."_

 _Clarke sighed softly and listened to her mom continue to put her down again, "Honey, you're really smart but you've got to show more initiative. You can't just keep strolling through the park like you are. Medical school is going to be a long marathon. And being a doctor is going to be a triathlon. You need to be training for this."_

 _As Abby took a quick breath, Clarke took her chance to intervene, "Yeah I know, but you've always known that medical school was never my first choice."_

 _"And I've told you time and time again that in the end, something like art would never fulfill your life like being a doctor would. You'd be happy in the moment, but when it gets down to paying the bills and starting a family, you are just going to be stuck at a standstill or even worse you'll be depending on someone else. Is that what you want? Do you have something against being a self sufficient woman of society?"_

 _Clarke was getting more and more impatient with the conversation at hand. With a sigh she got to her feet and walked straight passed her mom, "Lexa and Octavia are waiting for me. Maybe we can talk about this later?"_

 _"Sure. I'm assuming you won't be home for dinner then?" Her mom asked not taking her attention away from her cooking._

 _"Yeah. We're gonna order some pizza or something." Clarke answered, walking away._

 _"You know that stuff's going to kill you sooner or later. You should really watch what you eat more often, hun," her mom lectured._

 _"Yes. I know." Clarke grumbled as she grabbed her coat sitting at the base of the stairs and put it on before exiting her home. It was still a bit early to be heading over to Lexa's but she couldn't extend her conversation any longer than she had already, so she made her decision to head over early._

 _Lexa's parents house was only a ten-minute walk away and the day was unusually warm for mid-December, so Clarke really didn't mind the walk. Lexa similar to Clarke also opted out of on campus living and was staying with her parents to save money._

 _Soon enough Clarke was standing in front of the Wood's door and instead of knocking, she just opened the door and walked straight inside, cleaning her shoes off on the mat at the entrance. The Woods family lived in a very safe and gated community, so they rarely locked their doors, usually just before they went to sleep._

 _Clarke silently closed the door behind her and made her way to Lexa's room, but stopped right outside it when she heard the sounds of soft moans. The room's door was cracked open and she could see her best friend being pinned down by her girlfriend, Costia. Costia was kissing the side of Lexa's neck down to her collarbone and it made Clarke feel sick to her stomach._

 _The girl was really nice and almost perfect for Lexa, but in Clarke's opinion, no one could be more perfect for the brunette than herself. Clarke always had somewhat of a small crush on her best friend, but chose her friendship over pursuing anything and possibly ruining the best thing in her life._

 _Maybe that's why Clarke almost always refused to hang out with the two of them when she was invited. They weren't big on PDA but whenever they were together they usually like glue - even if it was just holding hands, they couldn't keep apart for too long. Clarke would never do anything to sabotage her best friend's relationship with the other girl, but that didn't mean that she could just shut off her feelings like a light switch._

 _She had accepted their fate as just being friends, but the closer the couple got, the uneasier Clarke felt. Not only did Cosita get to do everything she's recently wanted to do with Lexa, she was now taking away from their time together. Clarke was almost 100 percent sure that Costia was the sole reason for Lexa canceling every single one of their plans in the past few weeks._

 _Clarke could have easily turned back around and went to Octavia's house until Costia left, but she'd be lying if she said she wouldn't take the chance at getting the other girl off of her crush. Jealousy wasn't an attractive trait, but no one was around to see and Clarke honestly didn't care in the moment. She just needed her friend back for a few hours. Feeling like it was getting too intense and she had seen too much of their intimacy, Clarke walked back down the stairs quietly and made less of a silent walk back upstairs, "Lexa! Are you home?"_

 _The moans suddenly stopped and she heard some shuffling before she heard her friend's voice, "Yeah! We're in my room!" By the time Clarke made it back to Lexa's door both of the girls were sitting up staring at the TV, breathing a little bit unevenly._

 _"Did I interrupt something?" Clarke asked pretending to be unaware of what was happening just seconds ago._

 _"Nope." Lexa replied, popping her 'P' like she usually did. "We were just watching TV." Her friend looked back at the TV and realized that it was off, but Clarke just let it slide with an arched eyebrow._

 _"Probably just turned it off because nothing was on, right?" Clarke asked throwing Lexa a bone, knowing that she didn't do well with being open about her sex life._

 _"Right," she returned sheepishly, appreciating her friends understanding._

 _Clarke turned her attention to the other girl who was quiet watching their exchange, "Hey Cos. How've you been? Long time no see." Just because she was jealous, doesn't mean she was going to throw away her manners. Costia was obviously very important to Lexa and Clarke would never purposely do anything to jeopardize their relationship and hurt her best friend._

 _"I've been good. Just finished up my last semester of classes. So done with school. How about you Dr. Griffin?" Costia had always been nothing but nice and courteous to Clarke and that made it even more difficult to dislike the girl._

 _Clarke threw on a smile, "Not a doctor yet, but I'm on my way. Finals finished earlier and I have just a semester left before I get started with med school."_

 _"Must be nice to have a break," Lexa chimed in._

 _"Yup," Clarke replied back also popping her 'P'._

 _At this moment Clarke was just awkwardly leaning on the doorframe and while the other girls were sitting on the bed, Lexa's arm wrapped around her girlfriend's waist. Lexa must have finally cleared the sexual fogginess in her mind because finally started to process how awkward it was in the room. She cleared her throat and invited Clarke into her room, which she accepted and sat on the carpet by Lexa's bed._

 _Lexa looked at her watch quickly, "you're early. I thought we said six."_

 _Clarke looked back up at the brunette and made eye contact, almost getting lost in her green eyes, which were a little darker than usual, "Shit with my mom. Did you want me to leave? Cause I could."_

 _Lexa must have realized how unwelcoming she sounded and placed her hand on the blonde's shoulder, "No! Stay, please. I just thought that the time got away from me is all."_

 _Clarke smirked, "Watching TV."_

 _Lexa blushed and looked away from her, "Yeah. TV."_

 _Clarke couldn't deny how adorable Lexa got when she was embarrassed, but she would never admit it out loud though. She just smiled back and turned to face the TV, turning it on with the remote sitting by her leg._

 _The three of them got passed the awkwardness and watched a random cooking show on the TV for about an hour before Octavia showed up, getting the message from Clarke that she had arrived earlier than planned._

 _Like Clarke, Octavia waltzed into the large home, "What up bitches?"_

 _"Why do you have to be so vulgar?" Lexa questioned looking up at the newcomer._

 _"What's up with the judge club? I get enough of that from Bellamy." Octavia scoffed._

 _"Maybe if you weren't dating his right hand man, he would judge you less." Clarke offered._

 _"Hey, don't blame me for being fine. Atom asked me out. I just did him a favor by saying yes." Octavia defended putting emphasis on her 'me's._

 _They just shook their heads as Octavia hopped on the bed, plopping herself down right beside Lexa, unbothered by the couple's cuddling. Clarke on the other hand refused to even look back at the girls for even a second, instead her eyes were glued to the TV screen as well as the social media apps on her phone._

 _She felt the bed move and turned around to find Costia leaning over the other girls to grab her phone. She quickly locked her phone after looking at it and stood to her feet. "I've got to go have dinner with my parents."_

 _Lexa got to her feet as well and grabbed her girlfriend's hand as she walked to the door, "and I'm going to walk her down to her car. Be right back."_

 _"It was nice seeing you guys again." Costia concluded with a small wave._

 _When they were out of earshot Octavia joked, "They're gross. Their level of compatibility is disgustingly cute." Clarke just nodded as she continued to prod her phone, catching up on her Twitter feed. "I forgot to ask. Why did you get here so early?"_

 _"Mom stuff. School stuff. Life stuff. Never good enough stuff. You know, the usual." Clarke replied._

 _Her friend flipped herself over and wrapped her arms around the blonde, choking her slightly rather than hugging her. "Babe, you know how your mom is sometimes. She doesn't mean it. She's had a long day at work and was probably irritated at something. Don't let it get to you. You are the smartest person in the whole university and you'll be the best doctor out there. Even better than her. Just take this vacation and take a well deserved break." Octavia kissed her on the side of the head when Lexa re-entered her room with a smile, staring at her best friends._

 _"She's right, you know. In ten years, your mom will have nothing on you. Whether it be in the medical field or whatever else you want, you got this." Lexa sauntered over and sat down right beside her, putting her arm around her shoulder and pulling her flush against her side. "Are you okay though?"_

 _"Mostly okay. Just tired and need a breather." Clarke reassured her as she relished in the warmth of the other girl. "Can we just order some food? I haven't eaten since breakfast this morning."_

 _"Sure anything for the girl who stole my hoodie." Lexa jested, poking at the hole in the sleeve of her old hoodie that the blonde was currently wearing._

 _Clarke just smiled sheepishly and tried to talk herself out of the embarrassing moment, "I like yours better than mines. You bought it freshman year and it was the old design. My sophomore hoodie looks so boring." In all honesty, Clarke's sweatshirt smelled and felt like hers and Lexa's smelled and felt like Lexa's. She always put it on when she was feeling over-stressed or sad and it would usually make her feel better. She couldn't really explain it - it just always made her feel better._

 _"Whatever. It looks better on you anyways." Lexa chuckled lightly but not before she noticed the blonde slightly blushing below her. "Just don't tell Cos. She's been trying to find it and I told her I lost it at a party a while back."_

 _Octavia took her chance and joked, "I swear if Clarke wasn't straight you guys would already be dating."_

 _"Pizza." Clarke interjected trying to avoid another awkward conversation. Although she agreed with Octavia very much, it wasn't a conversation she wanted to have._

 _"Of course," Lexa agreed while dialing the local pizza place. "Same as usual?" Clarke and Octavia nodded silently letting the other girl order in peace. "Hi. I'd like to order for delivery." There was a beat of silence before they heard her continue, "Yeah. It's Lexa. I'll just get the usual. One medium plain cheese and one medium thin crust chicken with pineapples and banana peppers." Clarke heard Lexa laugh and she swore she could feel the butterflies act up, but she pushed them right back down. "Yeah. Cheese and peppers would be nice. Half an hour. Okay, thanks a lot, Titus."_

 _Lexa hung up the phone and put it down, averting her attention back to the TV, arm still wrapped around her friend. Octavia didn't even wait for the phone to hit the floor before she commented, "We don't order from them that much do we? Also you guys have gross taste in pizza. Who the hell eats a chicken pizza with pineapples and banana peppers? That's like worse than anchovies."_

 _"I'm on a first name basis with the owner, so it's safe to say that we do order from them quite a lot. Also, you get the best of everything. You got the savoriness of the chicken. Then you have the sweetness from the pineapple. The banana peppers give it a bit of sourness and then you have the crushed peppers to add the spiciness it's missing. It's the perfect pizza, right Clarke?" Lexa explained nudging the smaller girl for an answer._

 _"Yeah. It should be the only pizza - it's the best of all worlds." Clarke replied, completely agreeing with Lexa. Clarke just leaned her head into Lexa's shoulder, needing the extra comfort that night. Noticing her motions, Lexa just hugged her tighter as she finished up a text to her girlfriend. Clarke didn't mean to be nosy, but the phone was right in front of her face and it was hard to miss it._

 _It was quiet for a while, the three girls just enjoying each other's company for the first time in weeks. Clarke was slowly nodding off to sleep still pressed into Lexa while Lexa continued texting Costia during the silence and Octavia noticed, "So you and Costia are really getting serious, huh? It's been like a year already."_

 _"It's been a little over a year. 14 months to be exact. She's amazing. She gets me. Like a best friend, but with benefits. You know?" Lexa replied with a huge smile on her face. "I mean it's still kind of early but I think she's as close to the one as I'm going to get. Last week she asked me to move in with her and I'm actually considering it."_

 _Clarke felt that feeling of her heart sinking again as she listened to her best friend talk about her relationship. It made her so uneasy, she slowly removed her head from Lexa's shoulders and excused herself to the bathroom, needing more space in between her and the brunette._

 _Clarke made her way to the ensuite bathroom and splashed her face with a handful of cold water. She knew that she consciously made the decision to leave her feelings alone, but hearing Lexa speak so positively about her perfect relationship with Costia bothered her more than she would care to admit, even to herself._

 _She dabbed herself with the towel and shook it off, walking back to the room to find Lexa missing and Octavia still unmoved on the bed. Clarke walked straight up to the bed and sat down beside her other best friend. Octavia lifted her right arm and Clarke snuggled into Octavia just like she had just done with Lexa, but it felt different. It was nice, but she didn't melt into Octavia like she did with Lexa. It was like their bodies didn't fit as well._

 _After a few moments Lexa reentered the room with both of the pizzas in her hands. "Dinnertime! What does everyone want to watch?"_

 _"How about some Leo?" Octavia suggested as she grabbed her pizza from Lexa._

 _"Like 'The Titanic'?" Lexa questioned with a look of uninterest on her face._

 _Octavia corrected the taller girl, "More like 'Catch Me If You Can'. I haven't watched it in ages."_

 _Lexa placed their pizza on the desk in between the bed and the desk, "I think my folks have the DVD. I'll go grab it." Lexa left the two girls to themselves once again while Clarke detached herself from the smaller girl's side and sprinkled two slices of pizza with crushed peppers before removing them from the box._

 _Lexa returned to the room with the DVD box in her hands and she opened it, placing the disk into her DVD player. Once she got it running she sat back on the desk chair and Clarke handed her one of the pre peppered slice, "Thanks!"_

 _They all finished the pizzas as they watched the first movie, adding their own entertaining commentary when necessary. Once the movie was complete, they decided to borrow another DVD from Lexa's parents and unanimously agreed on 'Eat, Pray, Love', as none of the girls had previously watched it before.._

 _About halfway through the movie Octavia's phone beeps, alerting the room of an incoming text message, "hey guys. Sorry to be a party pooper, but I gotta go. Atom's out early and his car's in the shop, so I'm gonna pick him up." Octavia stands up after giving Clarke a hug and walks over to give Lexa a hug as well before she makes her way to the exit, "I'll talk to you guys later! Don't have too much fun without me."_

 _After Octavia's departure Lexa gets up and moves over to her bed, placing herself beside Clarke once again. They continue watching the movie quietly for a while before Clarke breaks the silence, "Have you ever considered leaving? Like just pack your bags and go around the world for a while? See what's out there? Find out what's beyond the walls of D.C.?"_

 _Lexa furrows her eyebrows for a second and Clarke knows it as her thinking face, "Traveling takes a lot of planning, Clarke. You can't just pack your bags one day and leave the next. You need to plan where you're going and where you're staying and for how long. There's so much to think about. Not to mention the financial responsibility of it all."_

 _Clarke laughed and poked Lexa in her side, the brunette flinching slightly, "That wasn't my question, you dodo. I asked if you've ever considered leaving."_

 _Lexa chuckled lightly, "Well if that's the question then I have to say no. I'd love to travel for a vacation maybe, but I couldn't imagine leaving D.C. My folks are here and so is Costia. And I'm just a few courses away from finally becoming a teacher. There's no reason to leave. Why do you ask?"_

 _Clarke wasn't sure why she asked considering Lexa's answer didn't make her feel the least bit better. "Liz just looks like she's having some fun. Just seems fun discovering new things is all. Nothing beyond my curiosity."_

 _Lexa eyed her questioningly, seemingly surveying her to see if it was anything more than just that. If she found anything she ignored it because she nodded and put her attention back on the movie._

 _Just as the movie finished Clarke got up to stretch her muscles, as she was in that same position for almost four hours. Clarke checks her watch and finds that it was just passed 10:00 PM. Clarke turned around and found Lexa back on her phone texting again. She could only assume who was on the other end of the message and Lexa only confirmed her suspicions, "Costia's done with family time and she wants to surprise me with something. Do you mind if we end the night? I can drop you off."_

 _Clarke's face must have really dropped because Lexa stopped talking for a second before adding, "But I don't have to leave. You could stay and we could have a sleepover like we used to."_

 _Clarke knew Lexa meant it when she offered to stay, but she saw how excited the other girl was and she didn't want to be selfish and keep her away from her other half. Clarke shook her head and denied the offer, "It's okay. I'm tired anyways. I'll just walk home and go to sleep. Hopefully my mom's asleep by the time I get home though. It's way too late for another one of these conversations."_

 _Lexa got up from her bed and closed in on the other girl, Clarke forgetting how to breathe in that moment, "Are you sure? Really, I can tell her no."_

 _Clarke shook her head again, this time with a small forced smile on her face, "I'm good. Go spend time with her."_

 _"You sure I can't drop you off?" Lexa asked again, feeling bad for ending the night early._

 _"I could use the walk," Clarke reasoned. "Work off all that pizza."_

 _Lexa closed the rest of the distance between the girls with a tight hug, "Just ignore her. It'll be okay and if you need to talk, I'm one call away."_

 _Clarke got lost in the hug as she hugged her back just as tight. They stood that way for a few minutes but when Lexa's phone buzzed again Clarke was taken back to reality and she released her friend and walked over to the desk to grab her coat._

 _They said their goodbyes with one last hug and Lexa kissed her on the side of her head, "Just sleep it off. She'll forget about it in the morning and so will you."_

 _"Hopefully," said the blonde as she left the Wood's home._

 _The walk home for Clarke was quicker than earlier as it was getting colder and she really just wanted to get back to the warmth of her home. She made it home in record time and walked straight to her room, trying her best to avoid another confrontation with her mother._

 _That was when she found a note taped to her door._

 _ **Clarke.  
I just talked to Marcus Kane and he said that he has an opening for an internship at his clinic. You'd mainly be answering calls and grunt work, but it would be a great opportunity to be placed in that kind of atmosphere so you can be ahead of the game when you enter your medical program. It starts in a couple days and I told him that you'd do it. I had to head back in for an emergency surgery so we'll talk about it tomorrow. I hope you had fun tonight.**_

 _I love you,_  
 _Mom_

 _Clarke just groaned as she ripped the piece of paper off the door and crumbled it in her hands as she entered the room, slamming the door behind her. Nobody was home so the ruckus was definitely the last thing on her mind._

 _She sat at her desk, breathing in and out deeply, attempting to calm herself down. She thought about her conversation with Lexa earlier. She still had the money her dad left her when he passed on so the financial aspect of it was cared for, at least for the time being. But it was a big decision. Lexa was right - you can't just pack your bags tonight and leave tomorrow._

 _The more she thought about it though, the more she wanted to follow through and leave. Lexa had Costia and they were oh so happy. Octavia had Bellamy and Atom. Her mom had her career. Apparently all Clarke had was a future doing something that completely bored her and an internship for the most uninteresting thing she could think of. She wouldn't take that job if it paid, much less do it for free._

 _Maybe all she needed was some space from everything. From the 'perfect' couple. From the 'perfect' career. From her 'perfect' life. Maybe if she left she could possibly come home and everything would be okay again. Maybe not. Maybe all she really needed was a fresh start. But how would she ever know if an attempt was never made._  
 _Before she knew what she was doing, she had a sheet of paper in front of her and a pen in her hand._

 _ **To my favorite person in the galaxy…**  
_

* * *

Clarke shivered realizing that she had been spacing off for too long and the water had started to run cold. She exited the shower and quickly dried herself off, not wanting to catch a cold the second she came into town.

She quickly grabbed some ice cubes from the freezer and thickly wrapped them in paper towels before she made her way back to her room. She entered the painfully plain room and plugged her phone into the charger before moving to her suitcase to grab something. She pulled out a familiar grey sweatshirt with a faded Polis U printed on it and slipped it on. She then lied back down, icing both her nose and her right eye, hoping that it wasn't going to look as bad as she expected it to the next day.

As she iced herself she thought about the other girl again. Lexa looked good. Even better than she remembered. If anything she looked tired, but beyond that, Clarke thought Lexa looked even more perfect than she did before the blonde left on her trip.

She knew she was in trouble as part of the reason she left years ago was to get over her crush for her taken best friend. One minute of seeing her again, and Clarke felt 21 and lost again. The second she laid her eyes on Lexa she felt all of her feelings rush back at once and she knew that she was most definitely screwed. She didn't even know if the other girl was willing to forgive her for her rash actions, but she knew she had to try her absolute best.

Not only did she have to worry about Lexa's forgiveness she also had to figure out how to work things out with Octavia. The smaller girl was furious and if she was the same girl as she was before, Clarke had a lot of stubbornness to fight through. If anyone could hold a grudge, it was Octavia. She once ignored her brother for an entire six months when he accidentally ran over her game winning championship football with his truck. If that's how she treated him for a damn ball she was guaranteed that she had a long road of groveling in the near future.

She really fucked up and she knew it but it wasn't something she could fix in that night so after remembering what she learned in her final years of school, she continued to ice both parts for a solid 15 minutes before she put down the ice down in the bin next to her bed.

Clarke rolled over in the dark room and hugged herself, absentmindedly playing with the hole in the left sleeve of the hoodie. In the five years that she had been gone, she had never felt as alone as she did in her room that night. She had really hurt the people she loved and she didn't know if she could forgive herself. She had never really regretted her decision to leave until she saw the hurt and betrayal in both of her friend's eyes that night. For the first time in years she found herself crying herself to sleep again.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed it. Tell me what you think. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can. See ya next time!


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